Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He did a backflip because drugs
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
