lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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