i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
