just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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