went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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