Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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