My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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