some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
