She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
