He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize