His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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