she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
