Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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