Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
