all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
