i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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