i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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