mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
operation harelip BJ is a go
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
