If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
