got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
