Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
