i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
