I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
