friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
