i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize