You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
