So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
