The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just had sex on a roof
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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