I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
