Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I still have a little drunk in my system
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
