i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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