i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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