No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
