I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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