I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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