Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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