Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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