Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize