you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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