i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
