Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize