I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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