He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
