Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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