but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
