Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
