I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
