I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
