You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
