So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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