I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize