Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
