How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize