Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize