So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
