hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
