i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
