i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
