my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
