I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
