Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
worst night to have a conscience
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
