The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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