my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
