i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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