So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
